Somewhere over the rainbow
by Optimus Bob
Summary: Crack fic: The fun and mischief that can be had when rainbow sprinkles are involved! Complete silliness with a hint of smut ONESHOT


**Somewhere over the Rainbow**

"What you doin' there Spike?" Jazz sauntered into the rec room, a quizzical look on his face plates.

Spike spared him a quick glance before returning to focus on his small colourful concoctions. "Making cakes, it's Carly's birthday. Wanted to surprise her." He grinned sheepishly as he spread the sparkly and multicoloured icing over the sponge.

Jazz crouched down, sitting himself on the floor to get a closer look. His olfactory sensors were overly stimulated. "What's that… mmm… smell?"

"You like it?"

"It's ummm different." He squinted behind his blue visor at the miniscule decorations adorning the chocolate sponge. The smell was both intoxicating and strange, almost reminding him of the sweet energon goodies they used to have back on Cybertron.

Spike chuckled at Jazz's inquisitive expression, his large finger gently poking at the already finished cake, standing off to one side. "You want to try some?"

"What? No… it probably doesn't agree with me man."

"You don't know until you try." Spike smiled and waved the spatula covered in icing and rainbow sprinkles in front of Jazz's visor.

"Well… alright one try couldn't hurt." Jazz grinned and gingerly picked up the small utensil, eyeing it cautiously until Spike laughed out loud at him.

"It's not going to bite you Jazz!"

Jazz huffed softly; he was not one to be beaten by any challenge, even one involving strange human sweets. Tentatively he reached out with his finger and scraped the pink icing into a large dollop. Taking a quick intake he plunged his finger into his mouth and stalled.

Spike stared at him wide eyed, his grin widening as Jazz's visor flickered and dimmed. "Oooohh…" A soft deep purr came from Jazz's vocaliser and his visor switched off as he savoured the sweet, smooth icing sprinkled with gritty tiny sweets.

"That is sooo good!" He exclaimed suddenly, his mouth still full of finger and icing. "Can you make more?"

"Yeah sure. Why?"

"Hang on I'll be right back." Jazz leapt to his feet, sucking the last of the icing off his finger, he dashed into a store cupboard at the back of the rec room. Spike followed him with a bemused frown, amusement at Jazz's sudden excitement tugging at his mouth.

A short time and a lot of clattering about later, Jazz returned with an armful of ingredients and a bowl.

"What are you doing? I thought you had a party to plan tonight?" Spike frowned, now completely baffled.

Jazz smiled broadly at him. "That's what I'm doing!" He grinned as he thrust ingredients into a bowl. "Can't have a party without goodies!"

Spike pulled a look of disgust as the pink energon was mixed with something to form almost a jelly like substance. "What is that?" He scoffed, his finger poking one of the small cubes.

"It's an energon goodie." Jazz replied cheerfully. "Want t' try one?"

"Ha… thanks I'll pass."

"What I do need is some of that… that…"

"Icing?"

Jazz nodded emphatically, snapping his fingers as he produced more energon goodies. "That. Could you make more… make sure you put some of those colourful whadyamacall them things in."

"Rainbow sprinkles?" Spike asked as he gathered more ingredients.

"Yeah, they taste sooo good!"

"You know icing doesn't really go with jelly." Spike frowned, then burst out laughing at Jazz's crest fallen look. "Don't worry I have something that will work great. Can you mix that energon stuff with other ingredients?"

"Sure." Jazz shrugged. "What you got in mind?"

"Something crispy." Spike grinned and gathered a handful of Rice krispies and some marshmallows from another bowl on the table. He began to heat up the marshmallow until it melted and he poured it over the Rice Krispies stirring it slowly. "Pour yours in now." He instructed.

Jazz lifted his bowl of liquid energon and poured it into the mixture. His olfactory sensors going wild with the sweet, sickly smell.

"Try that." Spike spooned out part of the mixture and Jazz tasted it.

"Wow!" He nodded as Spike grinned. "Where does the icing go?"

"It goes on top once they've set."

"This is going to be one sweet party." Jazz laughed and hummed as the two went to work.

A cycle later this was exactly where Prowl found him, still sat cross legged on the floor of the rec room. With a grin that could rival a sparkling with a rust stick.

****

"Jazz why are you sat on the floor?" Prowl's brow furrowed deeper at the state of Jazz's hands. "And what is that?" He pointed to the bright pink, multicoloured substance smeared over Jazz's hands.

Jazz and Spike laughed. "It's icing Prowl, won't hurt you."

Prowl merely quirked a brow at him. "You're aware that you have it smudged over your face plates then I take it?"

Jazz frowned and wiped at his face, succeeding only in wiping more of the icing over himself and his visor. "Frag." He chuckled and proceeded to lick the substance off his hands.

"Jazz are you sure you should be ingesting that?" Prowl was more than a little concerned at the satisfied grunts Jazz was making while licking his hands clean.

Spike laughed and scooped up some of the icing, holding it towards Prowl. "He really likes it Prowl. You should try some."

"I don't think that…"

"Oh come on Prowler!" Jazz swatted him in the foot lightly. "Live in the moment mech!"

Letting out a soft sigh and rolling his optics imperceptibly, Prowl conceded defeat. "Very well." He gently plucked the spatula from Spike's hand and brought the sticky, sugary pink substance to his face for closer inspection. "What are these coloured things?"

"Rainbow sprinkles." Jazz replied his visor bright. "They make the icing more fun."

"How does adding colourful miniscule sweets to anything make it more fun?" Prowl raised an orbital ridge.

Jazz shrugged. "I don't know it just does."

"That isn't logical." Prowl muttered more to himself than anyone else.

Spike raised his arms and scoffed loudly. "What is it with you robots? Just try it already!"

Prowl cast him a reproving glance and held the spatula to his mouth, slowly he reached out with his glossa to tentatively lick at the icing.

Jazz found himself enraptured by the sight of his SIC innocently licking the broad side of a spatula, letting out a soft purr of approval as he did so. Somewhere along the line, Jazz's intakes stopped working and he couldn't for the life of him tear his optics away from Prowl, or his glossa, now coated in the pink icing.

His mouth fell open with a soft whimper from his vocaliser. Prowl's optics had dimmed considerably and he was clearly enjoying the icing. Jazz suddenly felt hot all over his frame as Prowl took the small spatula and sucked it clean.

Static escaped from his vocaliser drawing Spike's attention. "Hey Jazz you alright?"

"Aha…" He uttered his visor locked onto Prowl, who chose that moment to realise where he was and what he was doing.

Catching Jazz staring at him, mouth open, visor bright; Prowl's optics widened and a short burst of static escaped his vocaliser in an attempt to compose himself. "Ummm that was tasty Spike, thank you."

He handed the spatula back to Spike who frowned shaking his head in amusement at the frozen form of Jazz.

"Jazz are you ok?" Prowl managed to say without too much embarrassment in his voice.

Jazz gave him a slow lazy nod, his mouth widening to a very pleased grin. "Mmmm… oh yeah… couldn't be better."

Prowl suddenly felt very uncomfortable under Jazz's scrutiny and took a small step back. "Well this was… pleasant… I should be going…"

"Awww don't leave on my account." Jazz hummed in a sing song voice, his head tilted to one side, hand resting under his chin, his expression all too day dreamy for Prowl's liking. "We've got plenty of icing you can umm lick off."

Prowl's optics went wide and made a short noise akin to a human clearing their throat. "I have ummm… work…" Resisting the stammer creeping into his vocals, Prowl gave a curt nod to Spike and spun on his heels leaving the rec room swiftly.

Spike lightly punched Jazz's arm. "What's with you?" He laughed playfully at Jazz's startled glance. "You spooked him good!"

"What? Nah…not Prowler." Jazz frowned, suddenly very aware that he'd lost a couple of seconds.

"Oh no? You were staring Jazz."

"I was not!" He retorted feeling suddenly very aware and very self conscious. Had he really just stared at Prowl? Had he really just stared for a whole minute and mumbled like an idiot at Prowl? Rubbing his face lightly Jazz frowned as Spike nudged him.

"You growled too." Spike laughed. "Maybe I shouldn't have let you have any sugar." The human frowned in concern at Jazz's mortified expression.

"Don't worry Spike!" Bumblebee called out from a nearby table. "It's got nothin' to do with the sugar."

The small mini bot made his way over and sat beside the confused boy. "You see, Jazz has a…"

"If you so much as finish that sentence Bee, I'm going t' find a trash compactor and put you in it." Jazz's face screwed up in what could only be described as a pout.

Bumblebee held up his hands in surrender. His optics wide and playful, a grin tugging at his lip components.

The twins flounced up behind Jazz grinning deviously. "Finish what Jazz?" Sunstreaker asked innocently.

"Nothin'" Jazz snapped.

"Oh I was just going to tell Spike here about Jazz's crush." Bumblebee replied ignoring the dark glower from his 3IC.

"What?!" Spike stared in astonishment at the visored mech before doubling over in fits of laughter. "That… that explains… the staring ooohoohoo…" The boy collapsed onto the floor gripping his sides.

"It's not that funny." Jazz grumbled, well and truly in a hump.

"I don't know which is funnier." Sideswipe butted in. "The fact that he has a HUGE crush on our uptight SIC."

"I don't!!"

"Or that he denies it so strongly." The twins grinned at him.

"You know what the humans say Jazz?" Sunstreaker took a sly step away from the glowering saboteur.

"I'm sure yer goin' t' tell me."

"Thou doth protest too much." Sideswipe finished.

"Right that's it!" Jazz was on his feet in a split second. The lambo twins squeaked and fled the rec room as the black and white gave chase. Their pleas and shrieks could be heard echoing down the corridor.

"Come on Jazz, we were just messin'"

"No Jazz put that down!"

"The paintwork mech… think of the paintwork!!"

Bumblebee and Spike were incoherent for the next half a cycle, stuck in a fierce attack of the giggles.

****

"Do you think this'll work?"

"Ssshh!"

"Sorry but what if he wakes up?"

"He's not going to wake up, not with how much I put in his energon."

"What if Prowl's in his quarters?"

"What's with all the questions? You were up for this a couple of cycles ago!"

"I know but, we're so fragged if we're wrong."

"We're not wrong." The mech growled softly, grunting under the dead weight of the black and white hoisted over his shoulder. "Besides Mirage said he'd let us know as soon as Prowl finishes work."

The red mech huffed and punched in the door override code they'd conveniently borrowed from Red Alert, courtesy of Inferno. "You got the straps?"

"And the cuffs." The golden mech grinned. He chuckled darkly. "Teach him to mess with my wax job."

"Is it tight?"

"All right my end."

"Can he get out? You know how skilled he is at escaping."

"He's well and truly stuck." The red mech chortled, unable to escape the snort escaping his vocaliser. "I wish I could see Prowl's face when he sees this."

"Your wish is my command." The golden twin grinned.

"You didn't?"

"I did. Front row seat."

"Nice." A noise in the corridor caught their attention. "Let's go get comfy."

"Who else is going to be watching this?"

"Oh just me, you, Bee, Mirage, Hound."

"Really, just invite the whole fraggin' crew Sunny!"

"What they wanted something for helping us with it."

"We are so fragged." The red mech shook his head the rest of his retort cut off by the sliding hiss of the door.

****

Jazz groaned feeling oddly uncomfortable and over stretched. He tried to move but his legs and arms were stuck, strapped to something. Grunting he struggled frantically, before falling limp onto the berth with a frustrated growl.

"Slaggin' twins." He groused. "I'm gonna' do more than frag up their paintwork."

Taking a deep intake, Jazz tried to look around. He was in a mech's quarters, sparsely decorated, exceedingly neat. Large spacious berth and a door leading to a private wash rack in the far corner. An officer's quarters. Jazz's intakes hitched. A very neat officer's quarters.

"Oh slag no." His optics went wide behind his visor and he thrashed in the restraints. His frame felt sticky, stiff in places and there was something irritating the wiring beneath the armour plating. Straining his neck to look down at his frame Jazz gasped audibly.

His black and white frame was covered from head to toe in pink sticky icing, adorned with a copious amount of rainbow sprinkles. The tiny sweets were falling between the plating and getting stuck. Off lining his optics his head sank back onto the berth. All he could do was wait.

He didn't have to wait too long. Light footsteps sounded in the corridor, halting at the door. Jazz felt his intakes stall as the door code bleeped. The door slid open with a hiss and Prowl entered his quarters with an almost silent grace, that would have had Jazz in awe if he wasn't currently strapped to his berth, splay legged and covered in icing sugar and rainbow sprinkles.

The black and white mech stopped and stared at him in complete shock, the data pad in his hand clattering to the floor, forgotten.

"Hi Prowler!" Jazz spoke as cheerfully as he could. "Fancy helpin' a mech out?"

He winced as the room filled with a resounding crash. He peered over his arm at the prone form of Prowl lying face down on the floor.

"Frag." He growled falling back on the berth.

****

"Hey Prowler, come on mech. You can't lie on the floor fer the next solar cycle."

The soft vocals were enough to rouse Prowl; he blinked and found himself staring at the floor. Groaning he clutched his aching helm and sat back on his haunches, his optics coming to rest on the very sight that had glitched him in the first place.

Words failed him. He simply stared at Jazz who smiled sheepishly back at him.

"I know what this looks like. But this was entirely not my doin'. The twins were mad at me fer scratching their paintwork up so this is their punishment I guess."

Prowl stood up and hesitated a moment before seating himself on the edge of his berth, beside the tied up mech. Looking Jazz up and down, he couldn't deny the mech was more than a little alluring, especially as he recalled the taste of that sweet, pink sticky icing, which was now smeared all over Jazz's armour.

"Why did you scratch their paintwork?" He asked, hoping to distract himself enough to untie the mech, without making a fool of himself.

"They ummm… well… it's nothin' really…" Jazz fidgeted uncomfortably in his restraints, his face plates flushing visibly as he avoided Prowl's gaze.

"It's clearly something." Prowl replied, leaning over to reach for the wrist restraints. Jazz tensing beneath him didn't escape his attention.

"I'm sorry; these restraints are rather difficult to remove." He explained quietly, trying to focus on the knots rather than the mech twitching so close to his frame.

"They were just shoutin' in the rec room how I umm…" Jazz coughed a little in embarrassment. "How I have a crush on you. Glitched right?" He finished quickly; hoping Prowl would simply skim over the whole crush aspect.

Prowl froze before drawing back slowly. "You have… have a crush on me?"

Jazz opened and closed his mouth a couple of times like a floundering fish out of water before giving into his fate. He sighed heavily, his visor going blank. "No point in denying it now is there?"

"So it's true?" Prowl spoke so softly, Jazz had to online his optics once more to make sure he'd actually spoken.

Throwing him a crooked grin. Jazz nodded. "Yeah, but it doesn't mean anythin'. You can just untie me, I'll slag the twins good and we can just go back t' normal…right?"

Prowl's curious expression gazing down at him, caused his intakes to freeze.

"Right?" He prodded gently after a few seconds of awkward silence.

"I don't think that's going to be possible Jazz."

Jazz frowned, ready to throw up a defence. He didn't want his tremulous friendship with Prowl to be wiped out with one stupid prank, the black and white mech was just too darned pretty not to taunt and passively, aggressively stalk from a distance. How was he going to do that if Prowl completely avoided him?

He was going to off line the twins when he got out. He silently swore it to Primus, they were going to pay.

"Aw, come on Prowler. You don't have t' be like that."

"How would you like me to be?"

Jazz glanced up at him and was taken aback by the dark hue in Prowl's optics and the ever so slight curl of his lips into the faintest hint of a smile.

"Huh?"

"Well it seems to me that, considering the situation and your apparent feelings towards me. The only logical course of action is to make the most of such an opportunity."

"Huh?" Jazz was flabbergasted by Prowl's seductive vocals and the playful glint that he caught in his optics. "You mean?"

Prowl's face broke into a crooked, smile. "I mean." He dipped his head slowly, holding Jazz's optics. Then in one quick move lowered his head to Jazz's chest and ran his glossa over the pink icing, licking it from the warm metal.

Jazz's engine revved at the sensual move and he let out a surprised growl. Prowl peered up at him from beneath his chevron and smirked. "-Oh-" Jazz squeaked and squirmed as Prowl lowered his helm once more and proceeded to lick and suck the icing from every inch of his frame.

Jazz positively melted into a puddle of black, white and pink with multi-coloured splodges, in response to Prowl's teasing and expert ministrations. He tugged at his restraints, desperate to return the favour, his arousal ebbing from him with soft pulses of energy.

"Oh Prowler!!" He moaned out loud suddenly as Prowl's warm glossa flicked over a particular sensitive sensor node in the joint of his hip.

Without warning and with a soft growl of want, Jazz gasped as Prowl straddled his frame in one quick, smooth movement.

"So…" He managed to gasp as Prowl's tapered fingers dug beneath his armour plating, followed by his mouth sucking, licking and biting along seams. "What's this… mmmmee… mean?"

Prowl sat up and leaned over Jazz, his flushed face plates a picture of lust and amusement. He brushed his cheek along Jazz's and murmured into his audio softly. "It means I was wrong."

Jazz shivered at the purring vocals. "About?"

Prowl gave him a sly smirk. "Adding small rainbow coloured sweets to something is entirely logical." He moved closer, hot air wafting over Jazz's face plates.

"Mmmm logical… yeah… have t' agree with you there…" He frowned, too caught up in his own arousal to really register what he was saying. "What?"

Prowl chuckled softly, his whole face brightening with a genuinely warm smile. "You were right. It is fun."

Jazz grinned up at him mewling with delight as Prowl planted a firm, deep kiss onto his mouth, his sweet glossa massaging his own sending delightful tingles through his circuits.

****

In the rec room, half a dozen optics went wide in disbelief and more than one jaw hit the floor.

"Arrgghhh!!" Sunstreaker covered his optics with his arm. "My optics, I've seen enough."

Sideswipe fell over a chair to switch off the data track, before the mutual erotic moans of pleasure from their two senior officers became too deeply etched onto their memory files. "That was close." He breathed a sigh of relief, sinking to his aft in front of the viewer.

"Ummm… we're going to umm… yeah…" Inferno grabbed Red Alert who squeaked as he was hauled over the shoulder of the fleeing mech.

Sideswipe frowned and glanced at Mirage who had frozen in his seat. Hound was shifting uncomfortably beside him. Sideswipe blinked as Mirage disappeared taking Hound with him.

"Aw come on! Seriously?!" He cried out, not quite believing that their prank had backfired so spectacularly.

Soft moans came from where Mirage was invisibly seated. Sunstreaker groaned and fell back onto his chair, throwing an empty cube at the cloaked mechs. "Get a room!" He shrieked before burying his helm in his arms.

Sideswipe huffed and folded his arms. "This is all your fault Sunny!"

****


End file.
